Automatic writing: a transcript

Following is a transcript of an automatic writing session that I did around Jan 25.  I didn't write down the exact date, and I don't remember it.  But anyway...

For those unfamiliar with the term "Automatic Writing", it's a method of revelation/divination that basically entails sitting down and writing what comes to your mind.  For some people it works like a journal, and for others, it creates an avenue for communication with spirits.

In preparation for this particular session of automatic writing, I went to dRM's basement and gathered her entire collection of crystals and made a big display of them on our dining room table.  I don't actually have much of a bond with crystals, so more than anything it was the fun of performing a sort of preparatory ritual than anything else.  I made sure on the table all four elements were present: earth (crystals), air (incense), water (a little bowl of water), and fire (I got the intuition that putting a battery on the table was sufficient for fire, because we didn't have any candles).  Once again, the presence of the four elements is mostly a ritualistic, get-myself-into-the-spirit-and-mood action than a materialistically relevant one.

Finally, I put on my favorite hippie shawl and got all of my favorite pendants and strung them together on a necklace.  My seven and five year-old nieces were utterly delighted that I had my little costume and display going.  There were less enthralled with the next portion of the event - me sitting and meditating until I felt I had made contact with a Divine source of communication.

Granted, it generally only takes a few minutes, but the little girls got bored after about a minute of me sitting quietly and patiently, waiting for any words to come to my mind that didn't feel *exactly* like my own.  Automatic writing, and really any other form of spiritual communication will generally feel at first like your own imagination coming up with things to say simply to entertain you; but I have found that by asking, "What if?" I can actually get guidance that for shizzle dizzle did not come from my own ego-mind.  When I imagine in my mind that someone is talking to me, I say, "What if?  What if that were real?  I'm just going to take this silly, fake conversation as far as it will go, and let my imagination go crazy.  Maybe I'm just being silly with a vivid imagination...and if I get the feeling at the end that such is the case, I'll just throw away whatever I wrote or imagined up.  But what if it were real?  What if the random little tidbits of conversation I hear bouncing around in my mind were actually important?  I'll give it a shot, and see how I feel in my heart about it afterwards."

I've been doing intuitive work like this for about 5 years.  Sometimes it's automatic writing, sometimes it's tarot (my favorite modality for intuition and insight), and sometimes it's just straight-up psychic readings.  I don't know if what I say helps people or hurts people, and for that reason I, in 95% of cases, refuse to take any form of payment for a reading and generally avoid them.  But in cases of my friends contacting me for readings, I'll read for them and if they find it particularly useful, we all rejoice (if not, we discard the information).  It's fun.

It's most fun, though, when something really meaningful comes from it; as was the case on the Jan 25th-ish in question.  So, here's the transcript.  I found it particularly insightful, as expounded upon in THIS blog post.  So if you're wondering what "psychic readings" or "spirit guides" look and sound like, here you go.  In this post:
HS = Holly Sue
SG = Spirit Guides

--
I first started by writing down: "My intention is to know how to proceed with

• Volunteer job #1 (leaving unnamed)
• Job #2
• Else?
• Income in general

I waited for a few minutes, then felt some thoughts forming in my mind and wrote:

HS: Hey, who's there?

SG: Hi Holly.

HS: Who are you?

SG: Name doesn't matter.  Only the message matters.  I have a message for you, but first you have a question for me.

HS: Yes - thanks.  I have several questions but they can all be summed up in the question of what to do?  I mean, I know what I do here doesn't matter and blah, blah, blah; but I need an income at least and I'd like to help *person* and *person* and even *person* - but how?  What to do?  And, since you haven't jumped in yet, I'm assuming you are willing to let me dump my thoughts...?

SG: Yes...

HS: Crap, I just lost them :)  Oh, yeah - I know being forgiving and loving and present is powerful in and of itself, but I guess I want to do more.

SG: What else is there?

HS: I know the answer is "nothing," but I can't shake these other things.  Plus forgiveness won't give me an income.

SG: To start - you don't have to prove you're "right."  Half of the issue with *all three people mentioned before* is that you've said things that you're too proud to let be wrong.

HS: But they trusted me when I said I knew how to help them.  I feel a duty to not betray that trust.  

--Then I got distracted by something.  I don't know what.  But, I had prepared my tarot cards nearby and was willing to pull the symbology of tarot into the conversation....--

HS: Ok, back.

SG: Focus yourself again.

HS: Ok.  One sec.  K - ready.  I feel like pulling cards.   Coo?

SG: Always.  :)

HS: Will you help me with the symbols since I struggle to read for myself?

SG: Of course.

HS:  Ok.  For the present I see The Tower: things have fallen apart, for me and for the world and many of my loved ones as macrocosms of me.  I see each of my loved ones playing out different alternate roles of my alternate reactions.  *person* remaining a believer despite this tower crumbling beneath him/her.  *another person* has already started construction on a new Tower.  *yet another person* is just a few paces behind me, etc.

(For the record, the Tower card of the tarot represents the stage in the Hero's Journey when he realizes everything he's been working towards, sacrificing for, etc., has been for a vain and foolish pursuit.  The Tower he's built for himself is struck by lighting, literally told in the story of the Tower of Babel, and destroyed, as the Greater Powers of the Universe tell the Hero that it's time to get real about objectives and stop thinking he can, of his own ego-might and power, build himself a tower to heaven...  The pathway to heaven is through submission, gentleness, and letting go of facade, not through aggressiveness, challenge, and independence.  Anyway...)

SG: Good.  Don't build new towers.  Meditate on The Tower, on where it falls in the Fool's Journey.  Learn and accept what comes next.

(For the record, it's The Star.  Trust, vulnerability, and a total outpouring of love and forgiveness, with a supply that magically never ends.  One foot on the ground (being practical) and one foot in the water (emotional/faithful).)

HS: Am I not already doing that?

SG: You've carried some of the stones with you (from your fallen Tower) and are telling yourself you just need a little roof over your head - but it will grow insatiably, Holly.  Consider the lilies.  Be a lily.  Study the Fool's journey.

HS: That sounds like leaving *person* high and dry.

SG: Why does it sound lilke that?  If you forgive and love him/her and everyone in that space you are fulfilling both your agreement and your natural role.  Remember that Jesus never accepted an official role or position anywhere, and that Gandhi's work was always voluntary.

HS: So how do I get an income?

SG: What income did Gandhi and Jesus live on?

HS: Um, alms probably.  I don't want to live on alms.

SG: Why not?  (Hint: pride)

HS: Right, because I don't want to be a burden on anyone.

SG: Why would that burden them?  I/we *(the guide started referring to him/herself as plural)* never said become a beggar.  But, like with dRM's home, the car, your bike, etc., you will be provided for like the lilies of the field.  Trust that.

HS: Trust it, huh?  Trust who?  Trust what?

SG: Trust that this illusion won't allow you to fold.  Trust that you can survive and thrive without buying in to it.  Become beloved, so beloved that the gifts willingly given to you will more than meet your needs.  There is no scarcity - you'll see.  Fishes and loves, it will never run out.

HS: *person*?  *person*?  *person and person*?  (My way of asking: what about these people I care about?)

SG: ...will all be blessed by your loving self and presence.

HS: Ok, back to the cards.  Ace of cups, reversed for the present - don't re-initiate the same relationships.  Run from them.  Don't look for relationships to fulfill me.

SG: Close.  Your cup isn't what runneth over - remember, you are the best teacher when you are the best student.  Receive, joyously, graciously and abundantly - stop trying to provide.  Instead receive.  Humility, Holly.

HS: And the Knight of Swords?  (in the future position of the reading)

SG: No message there.  Not pertinent to this conversation.

HS: Really?  No future "you'll see?"  or "we'll get back to that?"  How can I trust these messages when they are cafeteria-plan?!?!

SG: Trust them if they sound true.  Knight of Swords is a dumb card.  You should remove it from all of your decks.  We don't acknowledge (i.e. notice) or ever recommend such behavior or action.

HS: What other cards?

SG: The Devil (tarot card).  Life is The Devil - unreal yet always present.  It really doesn't make any sense to us.

HS: Any more?

SG: Get back to the reading - we'll tell you as you go along.

HS: I'm not going to remove those cards from my decks.  That's weird to me, to cherry-pick cards.

SG: That's because you don't really trust us yet.  But you will.  Now - next?

HS: King of Cups, reversed (final outcome position).  Same as the Ace of Cups reversed - stop trying to take care of/provide for/teach.  Learn instead.

SG: Right.

HS: And - 4 of wands revered (another final outcome card).  No happy home/ending - meaning it doesn't end with a good income and a happy, perfect life and blah, blah, blah.  For both Jesus and Gandhi, it led them straight to messy, horrifying deaths.

SG: Correct, but painless death.  The death of the ego is always messy and horrifying; but generally not lonely.  You won't be alone - the natural path of freedom from illusion is both nasty and blissful.  But life is nasty anyway, so why not give Enlightenment a shot?

HS: Should I focus on writing?  A book, a blog?  Conversations like these?  Anything?

SG: No.  You'll build a Tower if you do.  Let it all go.  Focus only on love and forgiveness.  Great things await when you do - none of which will be financial security, fame, power, or a following.  But you will see and hear me face to face.  For now, your pride and ego are too overpowering to make such things possible; it would definitely go to your head.

HS: I'll see you?!?!  And actually hear you?!?  Can I touch you?  (Can I tell dRM if I do!?!?)

SG:  See?  Your ego is already misusing that event that hasn't even occurred yet.

HS: Bah!

SG:  Love you, Holly.  Be brave.

HS:  Thank you :)  I'm nervous, but I can do this.

SG: You already have - just remember.  And study the Hero's Journey.

HS:  Thanks, and one more thing, if I may...  will you help me better and more clearly in the future dealing with getting into precarious commitments and how to step out of them, etc.?

SG: You've been improving...

HS: I just hate the whole explaining myself process, but feel like openness and honesty are the best pro-social policies.

SG: First:

1. Don't be pro-social
2. It will diminish as people adjust to the disappearance of your ego
3. You don't owe explanations to anyone.  Tell them you're experimenting with truth and to wait for the book.  Have fun with it.

HS: Ok, I'm fading, losing focus.  Will you help me be better?

SG: Listen better.  Study more often.  Engage with us.  Believe us, we're always doing the most we can (that will still serve).

HS: Oh.  Ok, gracias.

SG:  De nada!

---

So, if you've read this far, and are wondering why I'm posting this on a blog even now, when the guidance I received stated pretty clearly that I shouldn't .. I felt ok with doing it a few weeks later.   I don't know if this is a "116-pages event" of my own forcefulness, or if it is actually useful ... but my experience is that very few people actually read this blog, and as I've read my own previous posts, I've found them to be extremely interesting and pertinent from a long-term perspective; this is a form of journaling and recording for me.  Don't like it? ... You can stop reading :)  But this is the type of shit I'm going to be posting, because this is what my life is like.  I hear spirits, I talk to them, I relay their messages as best I can ... and I make a lot of mistakes along the way.  We all do.  (Which is why the key to enlightenment is forgiveness...)  This particular instance was powerful for me, because of the other two events that followed almost immediately (within a few days) that validated verbatim everything that was stated in this reading - lots of witnesses to me.

And now I'll end.

But I do recommend that every person work on finding their own intuitive power and connection with their Divine Guidance.  Above and beyond simple prayer or whatever - notice how in this post, I'm relatively abrasive and honest - I find that if I just act honestly, or how I would truly act with someone I was bestest buddies with, and challenge Divine Guidance to whatever issues bother me...I get really kind and honest and insightful answers back  God, the Divine, or whatever you call Him/Her/It, already knows how testy and raunchy we can be.  So just be yourself, as far as you know yourself, and be honest and you too will get answers.  I can't guarantee any of us will like the answers we get (remember how this post goes over horrible death ... uh... er...), but it feels good to have open, honest communication.  

My experience is, also, that when we reach such honest connection with Divine Guidance, there will be a ripple effect, and you will be given a few more validating cues after the fact.

And of course, the first policy is to always discard and ignore anything that makes your heart and soul feel confused or nervous.  Trust your heart to guide you.  Even if you discard Truth because you misunderstand or are afraid of it, God understand cautiousness and will get your messages to you in another way that feels more secure to you.  God can't be undermined.  So just check-in with every message you hear and keep what feels uplifting and challenging ... and discard what feels icky and apologetic.

I've discovered my Animus!

I've discovered something that I believe will alter the course of my life forever. Cool, huh?

I've been totally fascinated by Dr. Carl Jung lately, because with my study of archetypes and tarot his name is mentioned non-stop and so I've taken to reading books about him and learning more about his teachings. While this post won't have much to do with tarot, it will touch on archetypes.

Jung taught that the human psyche works in such a way that our personal unconscious as well as the collective unconscious tries to be in communication and understood by our conscious minds. This can happen in a lot of ways - for example through dreams. In a dream, our unconscious sends images to our conscious minds, typically in the form of symbols. The unconscious also communicates via archetypes - that is, pesonalities, experiences, ideas or lessons that are common to all of humanity. I like to look at the archetypal fairy tales and myths, like for example Robin Hood. Robin Hood himself is an archetype - a hero - and the Sheriff of Nottingham is an archetype, and their rivalry and experience is archetypal in that any person, from any culture in the world, any religion or language, who hears the story of Robin Hood, can relate to it. The story and its characters are meaningful to every human being.

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Jung also taught that the most important work a person can undertake in their psychic, or mental/emotional/spiritual, development is to achieve a balance in themselves between the mysterious unconsciousness and the conscious mind or ego.

One of the mechanisms of our minds that moves us towards this balance is the presence of an animus or anima. A male psyche, as it develops from childhood, and experiences the contrast of the female, will develop a sort of inner-female-personality, called the anima. This is like the voice inside of his head that speaks for his "female" or sensitive, mysterious, emotional and spiritual side. A female psyche develops an animus, which is the same as the anima, but instead is male oriented - so it speaks the voice of logic, reason, present moment living, etc. The mind, as it is trained and taught by life to identify itself with one gender, or take gender out of it, as it identifies with one polarity, it will automatically create an opposite polarity to balance it out.

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It's like this. Take a stone. Carve a sculpture out of it. Now the stone is "defined". And then take all of the chips, dust, and shavings that were removed as you carved the sculpture and save them on the side. The chips, dust and shavings are there to remind us of what the stone was before it became defined as a sculpture. They also serve to remind the stone that even though it has been defined as a sculpture, at it's core, in the end, it is still a stone.

Our animas and animuses remain in our minds to remind us of the wholeness that we once were (before being born), and that one day we can return to (at enlightenment or after death). They also motivate us to find companions in our lives that will complement us and challenge us to achieve greater psychic balance. They are our inner relationship coaches and the source of that deep-seeded attraction towards certain "types" of people.

Ok, so now it's story time. When I was something like 13 years old I met a boy that I decided was my soul-mate. His name is D. 

D and I dated on and off for a few years and I became obsessed with him. He eventually told me he wasn't interested and moved on.

Heartbroken and lost in life, I decided to serve a mission for the church I participated in at the time. I moved to Chile for 18 months to work as a volunteer for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While in Chile, I met another person. His name was G. G was a leader of the church at the time, in Chile, and he was (and is still I believe) married for a long time - G in fact was about 30 years older than me. He had children almost my age.

I struggled in Chile and found myself in a very vulnerable state because there was a lot of social pressure as a missionary and I found that I didn't like the church I was promoting. When G expressed an interest in me (I was about 24 at the time) I allowed him to believe he stood a chance, even though it was totally inappropriate. There was something comforting about an older man, established in his life, with a cute foreign accent, showing interest in me.

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Ultimately nothing happened between us, and I returned home to the States. I have harbored bitter feelings for G because I feel like he preyed upon my vulnerability in many ways with a purpose of inflating his own ego. (I won't go into the details about this because I don't feel like it really matters for this post). 

When I returned from Chile, after some brief re-encounters with D, he married another girl, and I decided to move on.

That's when I met C. C actually is a lot like D. 

So C was and is wonderful. He and I dated/lived together for about 2 years. We had a lot in common and in particular we had complementary senses of humor.

But in the end after two years, we agreed that the relationship wasn't fulfilling either of us. And we broke up. (That was about 3 months ago).

And that, my friends, is my love-life in a nutshell. Pretty great, huh?

So now I'm in a space of wondering what type of person I want to be a in a relationship with, so that I can feel fulfilled, challenged, and satisfied. When I was 16 my friend Loni and I went to a palm reader on Hollywood Blvd and she said that I would marry a man from overseas and have 2 children. At the time I thought, "That's ridiculous - I'm going to marry D." But recently her prediction has come back to me and I've wondered. I keep imagining that my happiest relationship will be with a foreign man, older than me, much older and established in his life. And then I remember G and I cringe and think, "There's no way in HELL I'll ever be with a man like that." But when I dream and fantasize about it, the same figure keeps coming back into my mind, and I'm living in New England, and I'm happy and quite alone (because my older, foreign husband is off doing his things) and I have so much freedom and also so much love.

This is when I came across Jung's anima/animus theories.

In this book I'm reading right now, called "Teach Yourself Jung" by Ruth Snowden (2006) I read the following about Jung:

"Jung first became aware of his own anima when he was analysing his fantasies during his midlife crisis. He asked himself what he was actually doing, and was startled to hear a woman's voice quite clearly announcing, 'it is art'. He felt cross about this and replied that it was nothing to do with art, but the voice again insisted that it was. The voice was the voice of his anima. ... Jung soon realized that by personifying an archetype [as his anima] he was able to bring it into relationship with his own consciousness.

... For a man to be in touch with his anima is therefore healing and balancing. The anima is not a specific woman - her archetype contains all the ancestral impressions of what it means to be female. Her personified form in the individual psyche will depend very much upon a man's personal knowledge of women, which is rooted in his relationship with his mother, plus impressions gained about other women as he is growing up. Passionate attractions occur when the anima is projected onto an actual woman, so that the man falls in love. If, on the other hand, the man over-identifies with the anima, he may become very moody, resentful or effeminate. If a man's anima is very weak then he will find relationships with women difficult" (p. 61-62).

Also: "...it is useful to get in touch with our anima or animus, because they have valuable messages for us. They also have a huge role to play in making relationships with the opposite sex successful" (p. 63).

Ok, I don't know if that meant anything to you, but it meant a whole lot to me. The part where his anima actually speaks to him hit home. I sat and pondered this as I read it, and then all of a sudden it happened - my animus spoke to me.

In my mind's eye, I saw a totally black space with an open door in the distance, and light shone out of the open door (kind of like what you would see in Dick Tracey). Then, a man stepped into the doorway, with the light on his back, so I couldn't see his face, and so that his shadow was long.

Then he spoke. And he said nothing, but I knew instantly that he was Anthony Hopkins. Ha ha ha. I'm serious! My animus looks and talks just like Anthony Hopkins.

He doesn't really say anything to me, but now that I'm aware of him, I know that if I sat down and took the time to have a conversation with him, he would. And that still kind of scares me because I don't know what he'll ask me to face.

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Ok, so the anima/animus is formed based off of father figures and other male figures in the life of a person when they're young. Later, through life, you'll encounter more people and your anima/animus may change a little but his/her strongest aspects will be defined in early childhood.

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You know how people always say, "You marry your mother!" or "You date your father!" - like you're attracted to people you remind you of your parents? That's how the whole anima/animus thing plays out.

Now each of my siblings (there are 8 of us) has a totally different relationship/take on my parents. But my relationship with my father, as a child and kind of to this day, looks like this:

1. I'm awed by him and he seems unreachable and unapproachable
2. I'm intimidated by him, so I try to not get noticed too much
3. I'm quite rebellious towards him and I like to challenge him but without too much personal interaction
4. As a child he and I mostly connected on an intellectual level - we talked about science and math and world affairs
5. I prefer to see him interacting with others and enjoying his fabulous personality vicariously instead of having his focus on me
6. My dad never liked me dating D or C. He thought they were both underachievers.

Ok, now let me tell you about this Anthony Hopkins figure that is my animus

1. He's mysterious and mostly quiet. He has little to say, but when he looks at me I know he's watching my every move and has me figured out (think Hanibal Lector)
2. When he does talk, it's mostly small talk about things like science and world affairs - just trivial things.
3. He doesn't like my taste in guys. He doesn't like that I'm the more active person in my relationships. He says (and I'm hearing this in my head right now as I type) that if I'm going to be running the show in a relationship, I'd be better off alone and that he wants to see me in a relationship where I'm empowered and then left to follow my own passions.
4. He's very critical. And he's not afraid to express his dissatisfaction to me. But he's never critical of me, just of my choices. He likes me a lot and is totally intrigued by me - in fact the puzzle that I am consumes him - he's eternally fascinated and finds my resistance and rebellion fascinating and exhilirating (sorry if that's too graphic ha ha ha). He thinks he has me figured out and is perpetually curious to see if I'll act like he expects me to. When I don't act like he expects is when he gets cranky with me...but then his curiosity is revived.

Ok, enough of him.
Here's the thing with animas/animuses. They're in your head. Forever. They are a part of your psyche. If you piss them off, and don't respect their input (which is meant only to guide you towards balance) they'll nag at you forever. You gotta make your peace with them.
Have you ever been in a relationship with everything is smashing, going perfectly well, and there's this itch in your brain that you have to get out of it? I know that a lot of people experience this. "Why did I cheat on my husband?" they ask me - "I really love him a lot and he's SUCH a good person and there's really nothing wrong with him! I'm just not happy and I don't know why," Well, my guess is that you're not happy because your animus doesn't think your hubby is a good match and he's not going to shut up (even if your husband is a "good person").
Here's the big problem with animas/animuses - their personalities are based off of your life experiences with people of the opposite sex. So let's say Dad was abusive - well guess what? Your animus is likely going to be abusive and he'll encourage you to get into abusive relationships. Let's say mom was absent and self-absorbed. Anima is going to push you towards relationships where you do all of the work.
Now the reason they do this, is because if you were an abused child, your psyche and personality formed around abusiveness, so in order to be balanced, you have to be reacting against abuse. I don't know Jung's theory, but mine is that as you become more balanced in your reactions to abuse, your anima/animus will stop pressuring you to seek abusive realtionships. But this explains why there are so many battered wives that are perfectly happy in their abusive relationships.
So take a look at your life. If you are dissatisfied with your relationships, is it because you look for people based off of the "right" qualifications, or based off of what you're "truly" attracted to? If you are in a relationship because your partner seems "stable and healthy" do you find yourself craving adventure and risk? Did you pick someone beautiful, only to find yourself craving to be adored by your partner instead living in their shadow? If you picked someone strong, do you find yourself craving to overpower them somehow?
Think about this: D and C are very similar in that they're both my age, neither of them has any career path or even ambition for that matter, they're both dependant on their mothers to a great degree, and they both have enormous sweetness and gentleness. I think I'm attracted to guys like that because I like to resist my animus - I don't want to give in to him. But in my perfect relationship with C, I was totally dissatisfied.
Isn't that interesting?
The problem is that because of the surrounding circumstances with the G situation, I'm really, really resistant to trusting my animus, because G fit the mold much closer than C or D did. Ew and the thought of a relationship with anyone like him pisses me off.
And here's another thing - since I broke up with C, D magically reappeared in my life ... divorced. Naturally I'm excited and express interest ... and true to his nature he strings me along for a little while and then ignores me.
I'm clearly not learning my lesson!
But now that I'm clear on what my animus is (and I think I'll name him Anthony Hopkins) and on what purpose he serves, I think I'm in a path to trusting him and using his council and personality to lead me towards a fulfilling and balancing relationship. And THAT is exciting!

So watch out world ... of single, foreign, rich men who are ages 30-42 (sorry but a 17-year is gap is all I can swallow at this point.), who want to be in a relationship with a mysterious, independant, and spontaneous whackball 25-year old who researches things like Jungian psychology and tarot and the Bible for fun! I'm READY for ya!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Gratitude

I've been meaning to post this for a few days, and I'm glad that now I'm finally getting to it.

I feel really excited to post my gratitude for some very specific people in my life, because of their unsolicited support of me.

First and foremost are my sister Sunny Jo and her husband James. I was thinking the other day about all of my shenanigans through the past few years, and they've had a supportive hand at all times in the things I've been doing. When I hated my job, James gave me one with him. Every time I've "started working out" they've forgotten my past failures and have cheered me constantly through my efforts. Recently, James hooked me up with a free personal trainer and diet plan with which I've lost 25 lbs. Sunny called me the other day with an incredible temp job that will save my butt this month, because she "just thought of me." When I decided to become a professional Tarot reader, James sent me my first paying client. To this day, Sunny Jo cooks for me to keep me pumped on a healthier lifestyle. Sunny Jo stands up for me and defends me when others misunderstand my intentions or actions - even though our belief systems (mine and Sunny's) are totally contrasting. James sent me a random text 2 days ago saying that he's proud of me and has always thought I was beautiful - totally out of the blue. They're just good people. They've positively affected every aspect of my life through simply personal gestures of love and service. And I see them do this with others every day.

Also, Lisa Ross-Walker. For some reason I'm not clear on, she's my biggest fan and my greatest marketer for my Tarot business - and what's strange is that she's one of the people in my life that I most look up to. At first I almost idolized her - I found it hard to talk to her normally because she has always seemed so powerful and wise. And then, out of the blue, she's in my Tarot class as one of my students. She's sending people to me left and right to get readings and to take classes. She's arranging for me to attend parties as a reader. She talks about me to her hair dresser, her mechanic, everyone! It's mind-blowing! And I'm eternally grateful for her support and love. The other day, she told me that a friend of hers asked if I was her daughter and she said, "On some levels, yes." What a compliment!

People like these, in my life - people of pure love and service for others - are the reason why lately, I can just sit down, in the middle of the day, and smile and just bask in the beauty of life. Life is SO good. People truly are goooooooooood!!!! In a world of chaos and nonsense, distractions and contentions, I've been blessed with a whole family and network of loving, giving, nurturing human beings.

As a child I was obsessed with individuality and separation from others. I hated playing in groups, I was terrified of crowds, and meeting new people was akin to electrocution. Speaking in public was simple, because I was separated from the audience. But playing on a team was nerve-wracking. I used to wonder to myself, "Who cares about other people? I just want to live my life alone and do my thing. I'll interact with people as necessary but never more than is absolutely requisite for survival!"

I still struggle with idle interaction with others. I still struggle to achieve a balance between inner and outward focus. BUT - and this is the point - when I experience first-hand the blessings of being surrounded by purely loving people, I SEE why I want others in my life! It's so obvious to me why relationships are the key to happiness! Nothing in my life has brought me the peace that unjudging support has/does.

In Tarot, the 9 of Pentacles shows a successful woman, standing in her marvelous vineyard, alone with her falcon - a falcon she commands at will. She is master and Goddess here. She holds all power and all levels of success and abundance. Except ... she's the 9 - and not the 10 - because she's alone. It's a card of total success for oneself. The 9 of cups is a similar card, showing a smug man sitting in front of his many grails in life, content, satisfied and even pleased with his success.

The 10 of pentacles, though, and also the 10 of cups, shows the complete truth of success. In these cards, there is no one alone - they are the cards of dynasty, family happiness, fulfillment through relationships, joy being full only because it is shared with others. Tarot captures the truth that the end of the rainbow is found in the company of others. The pot of gold is found within the heart of loved ones.

My God! Am I ever blessed!!!