Spiritual Memoir #7: Return of the Glorious Goddess Sisterhood

For an explanation of this Spiritual Memoir
blog series, see THIS post.

Tarot Card: Three of Cups

(see pics in this post from various decks)

Radiant Rider Waite deck

My Interpretations of the Card
"Time to celebrate with the girls"

I pulled this card and almost giggled with glee ... it feels like these last few posts have been kind of heavy, and I was so ready for a happier, lighter tone.  So hooray for the three of cups - I *love* this card!

In the Rider Waite image, three women raise their cups in lighthearted celebration.  The women are different: a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head, and they wear different clothes in different styles and colors.  But they're all women.  I see this as diversity and differences among peers being celebrated - enhancing and beautifying the bond, instead of dissolving into competition or judgment.  The women are surrounded by/carrying fruits too - enjoying the harvest of their lives together.

Cups, of course, symbolize the element of water, and represent emotions and spirituality.  So this isn't about the women getting together to talk, but to connect.  Three is a number representing power and completeness (as in the Holy Trinity).  There is a total bonding here that results in powerful synergy, the whole adding up to more than the parts, and spirituality being pursued in a community celebration, not in solitary silence.  Did I say yet that I love this card!?!?  :)

Deviant Moon Tarot

Check out the imagery in the Deviant Moon tarot ... a bunch of crazy misfits, that keep from sinking by partying in the sharp-toothed mouth of a giant fish.  Hee hee.  (That deck is so crazy, I love it!)  The masks are coming off, the clothes are coming off - it's almost like they know they'll either drown in the sea or get eaten by the fish, so they might as well drink and be merry in the last minutes of their lives.  

But they're not going to die - this is only the three of cups ... they still have seven more steps ahead of them.  Really, the hopelessness of their situation is a catalyst for them to take off the masks and loosen up a little bit.

In summary, I think of this card as the "Sex and the City" card.  It's only three people instead of that magical foursome, but it's about getting together with your besties and saying "to hell with our problems!  Tonight we celebrate!"

Spiritual Memoir: Three of Cups

I've always been close to my sisters.  I have five sisters (and two brothers), and I'm the baby of the family.  As I've commented in other posts (like THIS one), I was to an extent raised by my sisters.  

The Goddess Sisterhood at the opening of our store
Left to Right: Me, Liberty, Crystal - 2008
Photo credit to Cathy Allred, more info HERE

My second oldest sister, Liberty, and my fourth oldest sister, Crystal, and I opened a new age/metaphysical shop together a few years back.  We have pretty much always shared a lot of beliefs, and having this store together fused our little trio into what we call the "Goddess Sisterhood." We worked together, shared all of the same friends, read books and taught classes together - it was a wonderful time.  When we sold the store, our trio dynamic started shifting to a clique of two with one third wheel, then it would shift to two different besties with someone else as the third wheel, and so on.  

About two years ago, Crystal and I were on a roll together, with Liberty being neglected, and we decided to make a conscious effort to keep her in the loop.  It didn't take too long that we were having a girl's night every Friday - it was our weekly celebration of the Goddess Sisterhood.  We'd drink boxed wine, eat Goddess ramen noodles (with garlic, cheese, sour cream, and cayenne pepper ... mmmm), and smoke on Liberty's back porch until two or three in the morning.  Sometimes we'd do tarot or psychic readings for each other, sometimes we'd talk to our dead brother Art through a Ouija board (and other hooligans), and sometimes we'd sing and dance in the back yard.  (The across-the-street neighbor, Victoria, was so tactful in expressing to us we were being a *wee* bit too loud... hee hee ... sweet Victoria).  Often, we just watched Lib do a LOT of yard work, while Crystal sang along to Flight of the Conchords using her phone's tiny speaker.  Ahh...those were the days!  It was fun, we were connected - we were the three of cups!  In fact, to this day, I call this card the "Goddess Sisterhood" card.

Then, Crystal started nursing school and got divorced.  She had new things going on in her life, between her new friends at school and entering the dating scene.  Liberty and I were excited about the changes in Crystal's life, but found we had less and less to talk about with her, because we shared so little in common.  Then, Liberty went back to school to study philosophy, and I was just finishing my studies in economics, and, believe it or not, we had more and more to talk about since our studies were so related.  Liberty and I grew even closer ... and Crystal ever more distant.

Golden Tarot

I'm going to be totally honest for this blog's sake: I really resented Crystal for this distance.  I judged her to be backsliding into conventional worldly being, as opposed to the uber-spiritual-truth-seekers that our Goddess Sisterhood was founded on.  I was mean to her, I'd yell at her, tell her she was screwing it all up, being less than her best self, and so on.  She put up with it for a while, then gradually stopped coming around.  At times, she'd tell me to shut up and get off my high horse.  That only fueled my anger more.  

After I went out to Columbia University last fall, my anger cooled off a little bit, and I figured a long-distance friendship would be good for us.  But it only stayed constructive for a short time.  I loved judging her too much.  When I came back from Columbia at Thanksgiving and moved home after Christmas, I made sure to see her, only to ream her with how badly she was screwing up (in my opinion).

I was like the three of cups card from the Golden Tarot deck: I was the "pure" maidens, acknowledging the fools on the street (Crystal), but really mocking and shutting them out.  It was so hard not to judge Crystal because I knew that she could be what I wanted her to be.  It's easy to not pass judgment on some stranger on the street, giving them the benefit of the doubt - but with someone so close to you it changes, becomes harder, more personal.  I talk all the time about how many of us "enlightened" folk say, "I forgive Hitler.  We didn't understand what circumstances he was raised in, and maybe he was sick in the head, and that's not his fault.  I can have compassion and don't judge him," ... but in the same breath we curse the woman buying food with food stamps while she talks on her expensive iPhone!  That traitorous bitch!  My point is that it's easy to say we forgive an abstract person/concept like Hitler; I think the measure of our enlightenment is in how we respond to the little, relatively insignificant annoyances in our lives, not the major genocides of the world.

Anyway, back to my story: about two months ago, like in February or March (2012), I was studying A Course in Miracles and realized I needed to forgive Crystal for being different than how she used to be and forgive myself for being bugged about it.  Expect no changes, hope for no changes, and just see how what I was feeling was purely and cruelly destructive.  I couldn't believe how hard that was to swallow!  

One night, a few weeks ago, right after my A Course in Miracles study group, Crystal's 5 year-old had a seizure, and was taken to Primary Children's Hospital for an overnight stay.  I offered to go up with her.  While we were at the hospital the next morning, I said to her, "Crystal, I think I'm done judging you.  I'm tired of it, and I know you are.  I don't care what you do with your life, or how you live it - I just want you to be around me again.  If you talk about stuff I don't care about, I'll listen for a while then tell you when I'm sick of it.  I hope you can understand that.  Aside from that, I hope you can forgive me for being such a bitch this past year."

Crystal and Me, 2010

She smiled and said, "Ok!  Sounds good to me."  And just like that, it was over...

Since then, I just don't have any desire to judge and condemn her.  I have, in fact, done several tarot readings, for myself and other members of my family, about interceding in her life and with her family to "offer help" (read: impose our judgments on her), and every time ... every time ... the tarot has come back saying "Stay out of it.  Let her live her life.  Your only role here is to love her and be her friend."  

Last week, I went and did readings at a party Crystal was throwing.  It was a blast.  This week, I went to her house and finally just hung out with her for like six hours.  It was a blast.  None of the things that annoyed me before have changed ... but I've changed.

The Goddess Sisterhood, the three of cups, has people that are different ... they're not all the same ... and that's OK!!  We can celebrate even with our differences.  We can be united even with the diversity.  The three of cups is about forgetting that we're about to sink or be eaten by a fish, and just pull off the masks, get vulnerable and sincere, and raise a glass with people we love - without asking them to change.  It can be fun.  It's ok for life to be fun.  And we can love people and see their excellence without feeling compelled to drag it out of them.  It goes back to Jesus talking about obsessing over the mote in another's eye.  Stop it!  (I'm saying that to you and to myself!  To all of us!)

Crystal - I love you, and you are perfect in my eyes.  I also trust you with your life - follow your heart wherever it leads you, and I'll stay out of the way.  Thank you for accepting my apologies so gracefully. **raises a glass**