For an explanation of this Spiritual Memoir
blog series, see THIS post.
blog series, see THIS post.
 |
| Radiant Rider Waite Tarot |
Tarot Card: Nine of Wands
(see pics in this post from various decks)
My Interpretations of the Card
"When creation cages the creator"
I totally pick these cards at random - and I found it really interesting to get the nine of wands right after the four of wands. Because I see the four of wands as mastering creative power and sticking it in the ground as the framing for life (see post on that HERE) ... and I see the nine of wands (this post) as that use of creative power barely being contained - to the point where it's haunting to the creator.
In the Rider Waite symbolism, the dude is looking very jumpy and suspicious, with a wall of wands/creations behind him. He's holding on tight to one wand, looking over his shoulder. The card feels so defensive, protective, and afraid. But the wands aren't doing that, the wands are just being what wands are; the dude has turned them into a wall for him to peek through to the world.
In contrast, the four of wands shows the wands independently standing, with people cheering their energy on. It's open and community-oriented. This card, the nine, is closed and impatiently impersonal.
In the Crystal Visions tarot, a fiery and melancholy woman sits on her lion throne, surrounded in the night by blazing torches. This depiction seems more confident which is a positive edge, but overall it still feels brazen, defensive and almost threatening to me.
"When creation cages the creator"
I totally pick these cards at random - and I found it really interesting to get the nine of wands right after the four of wands. Because I see the four of wands as mastering creative power and sticking it in the ground as the framing for life (see post on that HERE) ... and I see the nine of wands (this post) as that use of creative power barely being contained - to the point where it's haunting to the creator.
In the Rider Waite symbolism, the dude is looking very jumpy and suspicious, with a wall of wands/creations behind him. He's holding on tight to one wand, looking over his shoulder. The card feels so defensive, protective, and afraid. But the wands aren't doing that, the wands are just being what wands are; the dude has turned them into a wall for him to peek through to the world.
In contrast, the four of wands shows the wands independently standing, with people cheering their energy on. It's open and community-oriented. This card, the nine, is closed and impatiently impersonal.
 |
| Crystal Visions Tarot |
Little caveat here: As I was looking at/for different nine of wands cards from different decks for this post, I found a lot of variety in the energy of the card - often with a more positive and reassuring twist. While that's cool, I like the cards in the tarot that carry shady, nervous, dark, or cold energies, because I feel like they create a more complete, complex reflection of the world we live in. (My Spirit Guides disagree with me though ... see THIS post). So I leave this card in its ill-dignified interpretation for this post, and will do so with other cards in future posts, as I see fit. (Man, is that statement the Emperor meets Queen of Swords or what?!? I'm so bold! :)
Spiritual Memoir: Nine of Wands
When I was about 8 years old, I started a fast-paced track in life. My parents saw that normal old public school didn't challenge me, so they started me in various challenging extra curricular activities. I started with private art lessons at home and horseback riding lessons at a local farm. At about age 10, I was already fluent in Spanish, so I also started private French tutoring at home. Then, my parents got me an oboe tutor, picking what they understood to be one of the hardest instruments to play. I excelled at all of it. Next, I skipped sixth grade, gaining permission from the school board after scoring 136 on an IQ test.
In Junior High, I took advanced classes, but still was bored out of my mind. My dad bribed my teachers to give me extra assignments and book reports that would affect my grades in exchange for him donating expensive book sets to the school library. I liked math a lot, and on my own took my pre-algebra book home and finished the entire book's assignments in about two weeks. So the school moved me into algebra. I finished that book in about two months. So then they put me in geometry. I taught myself geometry in about half a school year. I was 12.
By the time I was 15, I had been to over 20 countries in the world, was fluent in French and Spanish, and skipped 10th, 11th and 12th grades, and started my first semester of college. At 16 I worked three jobs, completed my Associate's Degree and paid for all of my books and tuition with my own cash, bought myself a car, and spent the summer setting up the entire inventory system of my sister's new bookstore. Believe it or not, I had a healthy circle of friends and even dated.
Once, when I was 16 I got hired as an Executive Assistant to a top executive at a prestigious local company, based on my resume and interview. He called me back the next day and told me that he couldn't give me the job because he found out I wasn't a legal adult. I also flew through all interviews for a $35,000/year job at 16 and was going to be hired, but my brother worked at the company and talked the managers out of it because I was young and, though accomplished, actually historically flighty.
Despite the age discrimination, the world was my oyster! Like the Housewives Tarot's nine of wands, I had my happy face on with all of the brooms and mops surrounding me as I climbed my ladder of success. Anything was possible, and I actually had the terrible attitude of thinking everyone around me was pretty dumb. I knew I could do anything, ace any challenge, impress anyone I talked to, and get away with just about any degree of nonsense.
And with that, I found myself very alone in the world.
Although I was surrounded by peers and admirers and all of the wonderful wands of my accomplishments, I was lonely in my defensive stronghold of awesomeness. I had no idea who I was. I knew I could do anything, but chose to do what would impress or shock or fill my resume ... never what I liked, or what I was passionate about, or what fulfilled me, or blessed others.
It got worse over time, and hit like a ton of bricks when I was 21 years old. I had earned a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration. I hate business. I was out of debt and had a teacher that offered to take me under his wing and start a market research firm with him. I hated market research, and in reality, hated the teacher (although looking back I adore him!). I didn't have any friends except my one sister. I had stopped dating and was holding out for one particular person whom I had alienated and expected to come back. I was a shell. I was a fancy exterior around a scared, lonely, angry little girl. And for the first time in my life I realized that without the competition of racing through life, I had nothing.
Accomplishments don't necessarily define us, and they certainly don't always improve us. Nine of wands energy speaks of how sometimes we create for the sake of creation, we do for the sake of doing. It's a trap. We can get so wrapped up in the heat of the moment that we forget who we are and why we're about the tasks at hand. Think about times when you realized you weren't eating because you were hungry - you were eating for the sake of eating; or that you weren't dating someone because you loved them or enjoyed their company - but were with them for the sake of not being alone. Mindless occupation, habits of industry, hegemonic compliance.
My passion for overachieving and racing through life built a wall around me, and when I stopped to consider where I was at, I found myself trapped in a ring of fire (like the Crystal Visions tarot). I was ready to defend myself!! ... but against what?
Incidentally I had an experience at age 24 where I was invited in a meditation to visualize myself with God, and to ask Him who I was. Who am I? Whether or not it was God I talked to or just getting in touch with my higher self, or my inner being, the answer surprised me...
I wasn't told I was a smart, accomplished, fast, powerful leader of the universe...
"You are a tender, Divine, accepting woman of light."
That's what I heard. I am kind, I am deep, I am open to others, I am wise, I am gentle... hmmm... no race or competition in that...
And what's really interesting is that I realized, at age 24, that was how I actually saw myself. I saw myself in my mind's eye as a gentle, quiet, deep-thinking, and accepting 8 year-old. Right back to where I started off!
Lesson learned: life's not a race or competition - that attitude isolates and alienates, building fiery walls of separation between me and others. Keep to my heart, my purpose, my values. Just because I am capable of tearing the world apart with big brains and an intimidating resume, doesn't mean I ought to, doesn't mean I have to to be a good or valuable person, and certainly doesn't mean I want to. The tools don't define the objectives of master, the master wields the tools for his own design - (but first, he becomes the master).
"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth... - as in being able to remake ourselves." --Gandhi
When I was about 8 years old, I started a fast-paced track in life. My parents saw that normal old public school didn't challenge me, so they started me in various challenging extra curricular activities. I started with private art lessons at home and horseback riding lessons at a local farm. At about age 10, I was already fluent in Spanish, so I also started private French tutoring at home. Then, my parents got me an oboe tutor, picking what they understood to be one of the hardest instruments to play. I excelled at all of it. Next, I skipped sixth grade, gaining permission from the school board after scoring 136 on an IQ test.
In Junior High, I took advanced classes, but still was bored out of my mind. My dad bribed my teachers to give me extra assignments and book reports that would affect my grades in exchange for him donating expensive book sets to the school library. I liked math a lot, and on my own took my pre-algebra book home and finished the entire book's assignments in about two weeks. So the school moved me into algebra. I finished that book in about two months. So then they put me in geometry. I taught myself geometry in about half a school year. I was 12.
By the time I was 15, I had been to over 20 countries in the world, was fluent in French and Spanish, and skipped 10th, 11th and 12th grades, and started my first semester of college. At 16 I worked three jobs, completed my Associate's Degree and paid for all of my books and tuition with my own cash, bought myself a car, and spent the summer setting up the entire inventory system of my sister's new bookstore. Believe it or not, I had a healthy circle of friends and even dated.
Once, when I was 16 I got hired as an Executive Assistant to a top executive at a prestigious local company, based on my resume and interview. He called me back the next day and told me that he couldn't give me the job because he found out I wasn't a legal adult. I also flew through all interviews for a $35,000/year job at 16 and was going to be hired, but my brother worked at the company and talked the managers out of it because I was young and, though accomplished, actually historically flighty.
 |
| Housewives Tarot |
And with that, I found myself very alone in the world.
Although I was surrounded by peers and admirers and all of the wonderful wands of my accomplishments, I was lonely in my defensive stronghold of awesomeness. I had no idea who I was. I knew I could do anything, but chose to do what would impress or shock or fill my resume ... never what I liked, or what I was passionate about, or what fulfilled me, or blessed others.
It got worse over time, and hit like a ton of bricks when I was 21 years old. I had earned a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration. I hate business. I was out of debt and had a teacher that offered to take me under his wing and start a market research firm with him. I hated market research, and in reality, hated the teacher (although looking back I adore him!). I didn't have any friends except my one sister. I had stopped dating and was holding out for one particular person whom I had alienated and expected to come back. I was a shell. I was a fancy exterior around a scared, lonely, angry little girl. And for the first time in my life I realized that without the competition of racing through life, I had nothing.
Accomplishments don't necessarily define us, and they certainly don't always improve us. Nine of wands energy speaks of how sometimes we create for the sake of creation, we do for the sake of doing. It's a trap. We can get so wrapped up in the heat of the moment that we forget who we are and why we're about the tasks at hand. Think about times when you realized you weren't eating because you were hungry - you were eating for the sake of eating; or that you weren't dating someone because you loved them or enjoyed their company - but were with them for the sake of not being alone. Mindless occupation, habits of industry, hegemonic compliance.
My passion for overachieving and racing through life built a wall around me, and when I stopped to consider where I was at, I found myself trapped in a ring of fire (like the Crystal Visions tarot). I was ready to defend myself!! ... but against what?
Incidentally I had an experience at age 24 where I was invited in a meditation to visualize myself with God, and to ask Him who I was. Who am I? Whether or not it was God I talked to or just getting in touch with my higher self, or my inner being, the answer surprised me...
I wasn't told I was a smart, accomplished, fast, powerful leader of the universe...
"You are a tender, Divine, accepting woman of light."
That's what I heard. I am kind, I am deep, I am open to others, I am wise, I am gentle... hmmm... no race or competition in that...
And what's really interesting is that I realized, at age 24, that was how I actually saw myself. I saw myself in my mind's eye as a gentle, quiet, deep-thinking, and accepting 8 year-old. Right back to where I started off!
Lesson learned: life's not a race or competition - that attitude isolates and alienates, building fiery walls of separation between me and others. Keep to my heart, my purpose, my values. Just because I am capable of tearing the world apart with big brains and an intimidating resume, doesn't mean I ought to, doesn't mean I have to to be a good or valuable person, and certainly doesn't mean I want to. The tools don't define the objectives of master, the master wields the tools for his own design - (but first, he becomes the master).
"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth... - as in being able to remake ourselves." --Gandhi
1 comment:
I think competing with others goes hand in hand with thinking that the individual is important. How many people have these beliefs, and are they truly happy?
Post a Comment